Catastrophe
by Misaki Takahashi Akihiko
Summary: On a night out Deidara finds a scroll with an unknown jutsu inside. He wakes up the next morning with ears and a tail. OOC Akatsuki. Cat. SasoDei Friendship. ItaDei. Shounen ai.
1. Epilogue

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Wha.

'_Thinking'_

"Talking"

_-------------------------------------------_

'_O.K, this is fine. Everything's O.K.'_

A male with beautiful blond hair stared at his reflection in the small lake not too far into the forest. Not to be conceited, but because he found something very peculiar about his image. He awoke after only Hidan's god knows how long, just to see his reflection and chant a wonderful mantra over, and over in his head.

It goes something along the lines of _'OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!'_

Lovely.

This blue eyed, blond artist wasn't having even the slightest of good days anymore.

Flash back of doom!

A bright sunny day, birds chirping away, green grass mildly tamed and scratch.

The hell is this? Like the world doesn't have enough happy crappy clichés rotting the hearts of small children everywhere.

Orochimaru: Small children! Where?

Authoress: Go away.

Orochimaru: What? I don't even show up in this fic.

Authoress: There's a reason for that.

Orochimaru: What?

Authoress: I don't like you.

Orochimaru: Story Nazi.

Authoress: Not cool.

-Sounds of stomps and grumbles of bitches who have a problem with men. -SQUACK!- Oops, my vase broke over his head., Ah well.-

O.K, he's gone. Back to the story.

Anyway, it was the ideal cliché day, like in all the little fairy tail stories of a duck or whatever, and our favorite artist decided to go out and possibly get wasted and hit on random bar guys.

Deidara went through the morning rituals of putting his hair up and his eyeliner _'It's natural, I swear'_, eating, make at least two attempts on Tobi's life, and finding what to wear. Can't walk around town with a black cloud covered coat now can he? How is he suppose to get someone to buy him drinks? And the whole secret evil organization, elite ninja out to collect their heads nonsense. While he was in front of his closet looking at everything it held, Sasori -Yes he's alive- was fiddling with Hiruko in his corner of the room. Interesting little thing to note, for missing ninja they live a relatively normal life, if you ignore some little things like a giant carnivorous plant man who argues with himself, the Akatsuki's bitch Tobi- Not really, I love Tobi-, a man who won't come to terms with reality and follows a religion he probably pulled from a flyer on a telephone pole, a fish, iunno, money hungry necromancer, a weasel-aw-, a puppet who would probably expand in water-hm, I wonder-, someone who's alittle too happy watching things go boom- and uses those extra mouths for only the lucky ones to know-, and they all take orders from a shadow in the corner of the room. Ya, relatively normal.

Some get their own room. Actually everyone gets their own room except Deidara and Sasori who share one. One of the walls were destroyed to create it, but it wasn't COMPLETELY Deidara's fault.

While picking the perfect 'can get me a few free drinks' outfit, he was interrupted to take care of some business. -Lock Tobi in a supply closet, tied to a chair with a gag (kinky) and tell Itachi he got into his room and found the magazines under his bed. Does he have something there? Who knows. But the speed he went running makes you wonder.

Finally finding the perfect outfit that doesn't label him as man slut, or confuses him for a girl. (Although that may get him some attention. Hehe). Black tight pants, black shirt with no sleeves, and fingerless biking gloves.-drool-. Don't forget the accessories. Metal studded belt, hair clips, and a wallet chain. -More drool- . (Wow, MINE!)

"This should get me some action, un."

"Deidara, why are you such a slut?" Sosari, who unfortunately (in his opinion) couldn't ignore Deidara's last remark, asked not even looking up from his puppet.

_'I think he's still mad about that wall explosion thing, hmm.'_

"Sasori-danna, don't be so mean, un. Maybe I'm just lonely. That ever cross your wooden mind." Said Deidara, muttering 'heartless bastard' under his breath as he pouted. That pout just can't have it's full effect after hearing him speak. For such a pretty and feminine guy, hearing his deep voice would send you into a double take.

"Who needs companionship? You're a shinobi, work is your only friend." Sasori said in his monotone voice.

Deidara just stood there with the blankest looks ever, and like he never heard him he started brushing his fingers through his hair…

Let's take a look in Sasori's mind.

_'I'm being punished for something, aren't I? Maybe I shouldn't have killed my grandmother, or sold my soul for eternal youth. The hell did I do to disserve this?'_

And now a look into Dei's head?

_'-Whoosh-'_

"Wha?"

Sasori would have done an anime sweat drop if he wasn't just smacked in the face with a T-shirt from Deidara's wardrobe. He's apparently looking for something or other for shoes. Which was slightly impressive considering Sasori's bed is farthest from the door and the closet. -Map of the whole house will be in profile-.

_'He so meant to do that.'_

Sasori's right eye twitch the slightest and he went back to work.

"Yee!"

Sasori's thoughts. _'Oh. Dear. God. He did not just squee.'_

But yes, to his horror Deidara did in fact make a very high pitched fan girl noise.

He found the perfect boots that are about two inches away from being hooker boots. Yay.

So now that he's done getting everything ready for his night of fun- no you pervs, he want's to scam free drinks and dance- he head out passing Kisame and Hidan killing each other on some 'kick the shit out of the other' game on PS2. (Yes they do have one, cuz even psychotic criminals with a blood lust get bored.)

Just to piss them off, mostly Kisame, Deidara dropped his wallet in front of the T.V to bend over and block their view. They paused it to wait (but not without much grumbling on Kisame's part) and while he was down there he unplugged Kisame's control and left before he could notice anything. Why'd he do it? Cuz he can, and it was going to be damn fun in 3...

2...

1...

"HA! I win."

"Augh! DEIDARA!"

Outside the door Deidara started laughing as he ran off before he would become bloody fertilizer for the front lawn with the help of Samahada and an angry fishman who hates loosing.

Blah, blah, blah stuff happens. Don't care, use your imagination, what would you do on a walk? Just ad in blowing up a few trees, and discussing the true meaning of art to passerby's in the streets to waste time. After all, it was still light out and no one goes to drink in the light. I mean really.

Nine something or other at night Deidara arrived at a bar not too crowded and good for dancing. He got inside and started doing what he came here for. Moving to the music, and score free drinks. Ya I know, why does he want to get free drinks. Well 1) There free, and those suckers are expensive, and 2) he keeps tabs on how many he can get the nights he goes out. His current record is at twelve, I believe. What a lovely day that was. He started striping on top pf the bar and Sasori dragged him off just to carry him back to the 'house'. Oh yes many were disappointed of his absence.

_'Lucky little red.' _Jealousy is bitter sweet.

While he was dancing like a trollip, a very expensive and classy trollip I remind you, ninja under cover as a costumer-O.K he was there to get smashed- he recognized Deidara from the Iwagakure bingo book. He didn't feel like getting into a fight and being a little sadistic decide another more… creative way to handle things.

_'I'm sure being an artist he'll appreciate my style of revenge.'_

Revenge for what? Who knows, who cares. This guy isn't coming back into the story anyway.

While most of the bars occupants were focused on the one dancing -wow that's some hot turning… Anyway- unimportant figure guy went over to the booth Deidara claimed and dropped a scroll on the table. Standing there guarding it to make sure no others got curious enough to take a look and fled like his ass was on fire once the song stopped and Deidara decided to take a break.

He got three drinks and an offer for a night of fun. Ya, the drinks were enough. He sat down and noticed the scroll with no unique marks or writing. It was just a plain white scroll.

_'Probably a survey or something.'_

He was just gonna through it out or ignore it all together, but something caught his eye. A small note attached saying:

_Here's something I thought a true ninja would need. Better then a drink._

_P.S. You looked hot out there._ O.o

Tilting his head in an oh so adorable way, he smiled at the note -yeah, cuz the note appreciates it- and took the scroll up.

Opening it he saw hand signs and directions inside. It was a scroll to a new jutsu but the name was smudged off and chipping from old age or some other whatnot.

Not wanting to do anything stupid - yeah right- in a room full of people, and thinking he can always come back later.

While heading out he wasn't aware of the pair of eyes watching his moves. -Mmm, my likey the view- He read it as he walked and understood it as some kind of spying jutsu. That could be useful, but was it really his style? But being the bored little blond that he is wanted to know what it did so it wouldn't plague his dreams.- It would mine.-

He went some distance into the forest and confident that Deidara was going to try it out unimportant figure guy left so he wouldn't be hit with the effects.

_'Or if the idiot messes it up and kills himself.'_

Finding a clearing the blond started the signs lasting 30 seconds when a 'pop' sound was heard and smoke rose from the ground. That's the last coherent thought he had before he blacked out.

Ending flashback of doom! Yay, you survived.

Leaving us were we are now. Early into the morning, with a panicked blond running in circles.

_'OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!OHMYGOD!'_

After that little disaster the scroll burned and was a pile of icky, fluffy grey ash and that damned scroll had no warning label on it.

Our poor Dei-chan was left alone, stuck on all fours,-no you pervs-, blond fluffy hair, black outlined eyes, and a swishing tail behind him.

Yes. Deidara was…a cat.

"Meow?"


	2. I’m cute and fluffy Give me a home

Disclaimer: Deidara and all of Akatsuki belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Not me. Damn.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

I'll assume you can get who's doing what so I don't always have to say it.

Especially when there's only two people, and one's a cat.

Flames are pretty to look at, but mean nothing here.

------------------

**Chapter 1.**

**I'm cute and fluffy. Give me a home.**

------------------

Deidara, was a bright blond, fluffy kitten cat.

"WHAT THE SHIT!"

O.K. A slightly grown up kitty cat.

"That doesn't help GOD DAMMIT!"

Of course cursing obscenities till he turned blue wouldn't do much good, considering the fact that everything comes out in tiny squeaks (ha). Well his yelling is what's making the 'should be regular cat noises' into high pitched squeaks.

"A cat? A bloody cat!"

Squeak.

Kinda like two cats fighting. (shudder) Not a pleasant noise.

After biting his paw enough to numb it, Dei has decided that yes, this is happening.

Sniffle.

…

Oh my god. He's actually kitty crying, or whatever you would call that. Looks more like he's hacking something up instead of sobbing.

"Hair ball. Got it."

Ignoring that…

'_Ohmyfuckingmotherofhollymotherfuckinggod.'_

"Everyone hates meee_eeeeeeeee, un"_

Meow.

'_Well, now what?'_

He was in the middle of the forest, one foot long, and tiny. Very tiny compared to his usual 5'7" (because I said so) height. He decided to take in all the damage, so he checked out his reflection in the lake.

Blond, la de da, big surprise there. Blue eyes, but look more feline rather than a birds eye. And…

What the hell was that?

O. -commence eye twitch-

'_My ear's pierced?'_

In his left ear was a hoop piercing in the side of his ear.

'…'

Well now he knows he's a very _pretty _and, apparently, stylish cat.

Looking around only one thought came to mind.

'_I want sushi.'_

Kidding, I'm kidding. Couldn't resist.

'_Now how to get home.'_

There's a few dilemmas to work out first. One, is if he goes walking around the streets he'll be picked up by some little girl with a crush for, fuzzy. Two, he's small and can get stepped one. Three, four, and five. Kicked, hit, or raped by a horny fox. And of course, he has NO idea which way 'home' actually is.

Plus, like they'll let be some random act scratching at their door. He'll have a better chance of survival if he sticks his head in Zetsu's mouth.

So his only chance is,

"DEIDARA-SEMPAI!!!!!"

BINGO!

"Tobi's a good boy!"

Execute sweat drop number one.

If another member brings him in, he's safe. And Tobi will do anything that get's him in trouble. Perfect.

"Deidara-sempai, you didn't come back last night. Where are you?"

"TOBIIIIIIIIII!"

Screech.

'_Well that won't work.'_

Tobi was sent by Sasori to find Deidara after he didn't show up. He was in the forest heading to a well known lake to all the Akatsuki members. Safest place to go to be alone.

Walking through the forest chanting 'Tobi's a good boy.' (Yay Tobi), he kept hearing an insistent cat.

"Tobi likes cats."

And of to find the lost kitties of the forest and frolic. (Tobi needs a woman.)

While reaching the lake, Tobi never noticed that pare of eyes watching his movements. Slowly, a creature from the bushes crept on up to it's prey. Staying as quite as the night. (Ya, but it's like ten in the morning.)

Getting into position, the hidden creature was ready for it's encounter.

The unsuspecting Tobi knew nothing of the horrors that lay behind him until he turned at a sudden rustle of grass to see…

"The cutest kitty EVER!"

There before him the most adorable blond kitty he has seen in his life, sitting three feet away with the biggest puppy dog (haha) eyes a cat has ever made. It's tail wagging slightly behind in the cutest gesture ever.

"Awww."

'_Step 1 of 'Get Tobi to take me home' complete. Now to phase 2.'_

And with the plan in mind Deidara unleashed phase two.

"Purrrrr."

"Squee!"

Sweat drop.

'_I thought I was the only one who did that?'_

"Aw your so cute. Tobi likes you kitty."

'_You bet your ass I'm…Cute? The fuck. How low have I stooped. Sigh'_

"Come on pretty kitty. Tobi will take you home."

'_SCORE!'_

But on the way home, holding his brand new kitty, Tobi couldn't help but think.

'_Hmm. Is Tobi forgetting something?_

------------------

Do you like it? Don't hit meh! Till later you must suffer my cliff hanger.


	3. Home sweet what the fuck?

Disclaimer: Deidara and all of Akatsuki belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Not me. Damn.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

I'll assume you can get who's doing what so I don't always have to say it.

Especially when there's only two people, and one's… a… cat.

Flames are pretty to look at, but have no point except arson.

Deidara finally gets back home today. Sorry if it's bored you till now.

**------------------**

**Chapter 2.**

**Home sweet what the fuck?**

**------------------**

'_Zzzzz'_

Bump.

'_Zzzzzz'_

Bump.

'_Zzzzzz, un'_

BUMP!

'_WHAT THE FUCK! Can't a guy freakin sleep without a freakin earthquake shaking shit, un. God damn.'_

Wait.

'_This anime doesn't have earthquakes…'_

Deidara opened his eyes to see what exactly was happening and if he should care.

Image just when he opened his blue eye, it started to twitch.

'_What, the sunny hell, is Tobi doing here, un?'_

Then, it ALL came back.

That pesky little twitch came back.

'_Ooh, yeah. I'm fuzz.'_

Yeah. He's still a cat. But WHAT is that infernal movement he's feeling.

Noticing, FINALLY (yes, he's slow when he wakes up) that Tobi was carrying him in his arms. And not very gracefully either. What was he doing? Trying to make the ground bounce? For a ninja, he's not very graceful.

'_Why'd we stop?'_

"Meurr?"

"We're here."

Turning in Tobi's arms he noticed the front door of the hide out. An old brown wooden door that's actually only a year old. But nobody can seem to stop ramming shit into it. Kunai, Samahada (1), a random bystander or two. Maybe the mailman when Zetsu isn't trying to eating him. Add all that up and some cheap paint, you get the illusion of an old door.

Tobi reached out with his left arm after he maneuvered him under his have done a better job though. He was nearly upside down, backwards.

Has he EVER handled an animal before?

'_This is humiliating, hm.'_

Who knew a cat could sulk. The amazing wonders of the world never cease.

Tobi opened the door.

"FUCKIN TOBI! MOVE ME AROUND UN!"

Heessshhhh!

Dropping his head in defeat after he was ignored.

'_Damn.'_

_-------------_

Ten minutes before Tobi arrived…

Everything in the missing nin house was calm.

Ha, yeah right.

"HIDAN! Stop bleeding on the fuckin couch! Sacrifice your self in your own room dammit." Kakuzu was busy counting his money when little drops of blood started landing on it.

"Jashin wants me to share the blood."

"No one cares, dumbass."

"Fuck you shark boy!"

"Say that to my face, old man."

And while this lovely banter is going on, Itachi was by on the couch reading a scroll on fire jutsu (so original, I know). He moved to the left to avoid being caught in the fight that will brake out sooner or later. Shaking his head at this houses idiocy he muttered, "baka" before continuing his reading.

Leader, Pein or some shit, was away on a 'mission' that apparently no other member could be trusted with. In all truth everyone knew he was on vacation at an Onsen in Water country. He couldn't stand the insanity anymore with out killing someone so he left for an extended period of time. (4 weeks.) Just left two days ago, hence why it was the perfect time to check out the local bars with out getting an earful. He didn't need that, AND a hangover.

So with out leader around and Konan (2) going with him, there was even less order in the house. But some just ignore it, mainly Itachi and Sasori.

A fight started with a fist full of Hidan's hair in Kisames teeth as he held on to the shark from the back trying to climb on his shoulders to through him of balance due to his size. All in all, a very comical site. Not really what you would expect from two S'class ninja, but what ever.

Then the front door opened.

**------------------**

1. Is that right?

2. That's blues name, cuz I said so. And I don't want her in here, cuz I hate her.

Authors note:

If anyone wants me to write an ItaDei story, (more serious and actually good) tell me. I'll wait until this one is further though.

And what up with Dr. Cox's hair. I saw a new Scrubs episode and like, what the hell.

Sorry, enjoy the cliffer. Keeps meh readers readin.


	4. My god, my roommates are crazy

I need three reviews before I update any new chapters

I need three reviews before I update any new chapters. If no one cares, neither do I.

Well on with this shit.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**Chapter 3.**

**My god, my roommates ****are crazy.**

And in stepped a lollypop holding something blonde and furry trying to burrow it's way through the coat in an escape attempt.

'_A cat in this place? NO SHITEN WAY! I'm gonna die, un!_

" Bad kitty, be a good boy like Tobi!"

"I'll kill you if you through me into that snake pit of a living room!"

"Hehhhsh!"

"OW! Bad kitty!"

And while this lovely scene was going on no one paid one lick of attention to the occupants of the door due to the double headlock both Kisame and Hidan were in.

"Ten bucks on the fish." Zetsu said holding a ten dollar bill to Kakuzu.

"Deal."

CRASH

"There goes the T.V." Itachi said flipping the page in his book he switched out for the fire scroll.

THUD

"And the kitchen chair." Sasori put in glaring at the pile of wood and glass that use to be the T.V. _'I was watching that.'_

"HA! I win fucktwit." Say's the blue man sitting on his opponent.

"Ten bucks please." Zetsu held out his hand to collect his winnings. While a disgruntle Kakuzu handed it over while plotting his partners demise for loosing him ten dollars of his precious money.

Back to the door. While all this was going on the said door occupants watched, one managing to flip around to a more respective and dignified (but not much, due to being under an armpit) position. Tobi finally broke from his stupor (yeah, everyone gets a miracle) and remembered why he was outside in the first place.

"Tobi's home!"

"Hoowa." Said Sasori.

"Hooray." Added Itachi, never lifting his eyes from the book. While Sasori was watching the struggling man under a shark.

Shutting the door, Tobi walked in with Deidara under his left arm.

While still holding Hidan down Kisame looked up and saw something odd. "What's that under your arm?"

Thus causing everyone to turn to the direction of Tobi and noticing the cat that looks like it's about to commit mass genocide due to humiliation or boredom. (1)

"The fuck is that?" Hidan asked.

"Called a cat dumbass." Stated Kakuzu.

Hidan took the mature rout to this and stuck his tongue out at him.

At this point Sasori spoke up. "Where's Deidara?"

Give it a second.

3...

2...

1...

"Oh yeah. Tobi couldn't find her."

Itachi just shook his head.

"Why do you have a… cat?" Asked Sasori.

"Tobi found her. Can Tobi keep her?"

"HER! Dumb ass mother…/ Meow, kehh, shee!"

"Is it sick?" Asked Kakuzu.

"Can I eat it?"

"No Zetsu, you can't eat the cat." Said Itachi putting his book away.

"So Tobi can keep him, right Itachi-sempai?"

Blink Blink.

"You Can't even take care of yourself shit head." Hidan said.

"Can I Itachi-sempai?"

"It's up to Sasori. I don't care."

Time to initiate puppy dog eyes.

"Fine. But it sleeps in your room."

"NO FREAKIN WAY, un! His room is a bottomless pit!"

"Guess she doesn't like that idea." said Kakuzu.

"And I'm not a girl!"

Itachi decided to fix this problem. "then it can sleep in Deidara's bed. If he doesn't want to come back today, he looses his bed."

Gawk. "What! You give my bed away, un?"

"O.K!"

'_Sigh. At least it's still my bed.'_

"Oh, but one thing first…"

(1) Can find the picture here.

GET RID OF THE SPACES

i196. photobucket. com/ albums/ aa131/ AlchemyGaara/ICONATORe602ed33d2d909547ce37639ab.gif

I went back and edited some of my mistakes. Like capitals and such crap.


	5. Now what? Part 1

Dudes, the link in the last chapter got messed up, sorry.

I need three reviews before I update any new chapters. If no one cares, neither do I.

Well on with this shit.

----------

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor. Cursing.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**------------------**

**Chapter 4.**

**------------------**

**Now what? Part. 1**

**------------------**

"And what's that Sasori-Sempai?"

"Wash the damn cat! It smells like rode kill." Hidan interjected.

"_What, un! I do not smell."_

Deidara decided to prove Hidan, that egotistic twit in Deidara's eyes, wrong by taking a whiff of himself.

Sniff.

…

"_Oh sweet god!"_

Itachi heard a slight gagging sound coming from the area by the door, and looked up. He saw the damn cat, as everyone's been referring to, gagging on something.

Kisame saw this too. "What's wrong with it? Did it swallow a fly?"

"Hair ball. Filthy." Kakuzu added. Who know Kakuzu was a clean freak. Doesn't cleanliness cost money? Then again if a rooms filthy, how can you find extra change around closets and couch cushions. Oh yes, he checks. Makes sense the habit stuck.

"_That would explain why he always volunteers to clean after parties."_ Sasori thought.

"Tobi doesn't know."

Tobi decided to take a closer look and brought the cat to his face. His mistake? He breathed in. Tobi suddenly stoped all movement.

Itachi stood and walked over to Tobi and studied him.

Nothing.

Being the child genius that he is, Itachi had a theory. So he plucked the cat away from Tobi, and once he did…

Tobi fell straight to the ground backwards. He'll be out for a while.

Kisame watched the whole scene. "What the hell did that cat roll in?"

Everyone looked at the other, but nobody was brave enough to find out.

"Guess your stuck washing him Itachi." Kisame grinned at him.

"Or I could,"

"NO!" Everyone interrupted Zetsu before he could suggest his earlier offer of an early dinner. Even Itachi admitted a quite denial.

Looks like the Akatsuki actually want the cat, in one shape of another cough Zetsu cough, even though not one of them would admit it. In truth, even being blood thirsty sadistic killer crazed ninja, everyone has an inner child and everyone of those children are screaming for a cat.

"Why am I the one to bath it?" Itachi questioned.

"Because," Kakuzu admitted, "you were the last to touch it."

"What?" When Itachi turned around to question this cheddar cheese of a logic (1) everyone was gone leaving an anime styled dust streak in the wake and a few loose pieces of paper fluttering to the ground.

If it wasn't beyond Itachi's stoic personality, a sweat drop would have appeared. Instead he planed out a special torture with tsukuyomi for the first member he sees again.

Leaving Tobi at his spot by the door, Itachi headed to the bathroom with the oddly silent kitten.

This 'silent' cat on the other hand just witnessed one of the oddest moments in his short life.

"_These are the people I associate with? I've sunken so low."_

Kitties just a bit depressed right now. Being forgotten can have that effect.

"_At least I didn't pass out from my own smell, un."_

Itachi didn't pass out either because he is currently holding 'The Damn Cat' at arms length while heading towards the bathroom.

Once there, he closed and locked the door behind him. Why lock it? No one cares, but mostly because being in a bathroom Itachi has the clock work habit of always locking the door. Especially after witness the Aprils 1st "Member Trick Target" of last year. Every year one random member in Akatsuki is assigned to be the fool for April. Everyone plays their part in the pranks, rarely but sometime resulting to permanent mental damage or paranoia not only to the tricky, but also those who witnessed the cruelty.

Orochimaru was the poor victim one year, resulting in him resigning from organization. The whole time mumbling comforts to himself.

Last year was Hidan's turn and that involved throwing snakes in the shower with him and locking the door. But not before filling the shampoo with purple hair dye, and flushing the toilet. And this was before 8 A.M.

Living in a rather large family also led to this habit. Walking in on his mother and father in the shower scarred Itachi for life.

He suddenly shuddered.

"_Never again."_

And now back on track.

Turning on the faucet, Itachi started to fill the water to about 6 inches (being the cat is about 8 inches standing), and waited.

"You need a name. Since I'm bathing you I'll decide your name." Itachi spoke to the cat that he set on the sink counter. If anyone doesn't like his choice, they'll get a kunai to the eye. Simple enough.

'The Cat' however just sat back and watched everything.

"_You name me Fluffy, I will fucking kill you, hm."_

Itachi watched the cat with his left eyelid a bit lower then his other.

"Are you glaring at me?"

"_Are you talking to a cat? There's your answer. "_

The bath was finally to the right height. Itachi went over and closed the faucet. "I'll decide later."

A shin obi, a cat, and a tub full of water, and Itachi doesn't know what to do.

Although Itachi is a child prodigy and shinobi legend, there is something that he has never experience before.

How to bath a cat.

His family never aloud pets in the manor, even when Sasuke brought a scruffy little orange blond thing home once from the… you guessed it, the rain. Covered in what? Why mud of course. A tiny kitten actually, but their father wouldn't allow the cat to stay. Which, surprisingly upset Itachi a bit. Not only was his little brother, who he did like and tolerate at the time, sad but he also looked forward to a bundle to talk to that wouldn't report back to his father.

Why was Sasuke out in the rain anyway? Wasn't their mother watching them? Terrible people.

So that leads to the problem now. What to do.

In Itachi's mind, _"Shit."_

**------------------**

The logic has wholes in it like cheddar. XD


	6. Now what? Part 2

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor. Cursing.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**------------------**

**Chapter 5.**

**------------------**

**Now what? Part. 2**

**------------------**

'_What is he doing?'_

Deidara watched as Itachi now just stared at the bath water. He walked over from the edge of the white marble sink and jumped down to the toilet lid and stared back up at Itachi again who hasn't moved.

'_What am I suppose to do now? Just through it in?' _Itachi thought to himself.

It, yes it. No one quite knows senior kitty's gender yet. No one could get close enough to check due to the rotting compulsive smell he was giving off. (Plus no one cared at the moment, they just wanted the cat.) Tobi only lasted so long carrying him back due to his mask blocking out most of the smell. That is, until he whiffed. Foolish, foolish Tobi.

'_O.K what's so freakin interesting, un.' _Deidara jumped down from his perch and half climbed half jump the side of the tub. _'Nothin but water, un.' _Curious, Deidara peered over a bit more.

'_Maybe it'll do it itself.' _Itachi thought. Who know, maybe cats CAN bath themselves. After all, their clean compulsives aren't they?

Maybe curiosity did kill the cat, 'cuz this ones about to drown.

'_Hmm.'_

And he leaned over just a bit more.

SPLASH

Itachi's legendary mind finally clicked, Cat's can't swim. (1) "Shit!"

He grabbed the hissing cat, trying to avoid it's clawing frenzy. Water splashed in his face and drenched his shirt by the time he grabbed the flailing feline and held it to his chest.

"I'm second thinking this bath situation." Itachi stated to the bundle in his arms resembling a rat caught in a storm.

"Yeah, me too, un." Deidara agreed grimly. But alas all that came out was a squeak and growl.

'_Mental note, cats and water aren't friends.' _"Guess I'll just wing it then."

"_Wing what? What wing? Your not winging anything with me, un.'_

Itachi and 'The Damn Cat' stared at each other for a few seconds. "Have your eyes always been that big?"

"Have you always conversed with things that can't speak back, hm?"

Murr.

"Well in the water you go kitty."

"KITTY! At least dignify me with A GOD DAMN NAME! Un."

"Yeah, I get it. You don't like water, now GET IN." He said the last part of the sentence through clenched teeth.

The communication gap between human and beast is a canyon to these two.

Itachi held the fussing cat above the water ad tried to lower 'him' but he kept squirming. "Stupid animal, just get in." Itachi fighting with a ten pound animal. Not even in Sasuke's dreams could anyone predict this. Then again, no need to keep face to a cat now is there?

Finally he managed to get the cat to stay still long enough to get in the tub. He had to grab it's neck fur, but it still worked.

'_Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow, un.'_

To calm the animal, Itachi started to stroke it's back with his left hand while still holding on to him with his right. He knelt on the grey/ white linoleum and continued stroking Deidara. (2) After the cat seemed satiated enough not to run, he reached his right hand to the back right corner of the bath where he put his soaps and all beforehand and grabbed the shampoo.

Itachi flipped the top off with his thumb and pored some of the white-pink gel on the bright yellow tabby, now resembling a New York sewer rat.

"_What's that smell, un?" _

SNIFF, sniff-sniff.

Itachi could see the drenched cat moving it's tiny nose in a slight up and down twitch.

"_Strawberry… and peach? Whose shampoo is this?"_

Itachi started to, FINALLY, wash the agitated cat properly. Now to keep busey.

"What to name you." _'What would anyone else name her… wait.'_

Now that all the chaos was finally over, Itachi remembered that no one actually knows the cat's gender. Or if it's owned for that matter, but none of them are going to look into that.

Itachi would have just picked the feline up and looked, but then he remembered the hassle it was just to get the cat into the bath the first time. So instead settled for plan B.

Now one of THE most uncomfortable moments in Deidara's life that he shall never live down, nor remove from memory for the rest of his days.

Itachi grabbed the soapy cat by it's scruff again with his right hand and reached under the water with his left and moved under the cat.

"_What now, un?"_

…

And the hand moved up.

"HOLLY SHIT!" Deidara tried to scream, but instead the sound a screeching cat in a fight came out.

"So you're a boy cat."

"No shit jerk off!" _'Fucking Uchiha molesting cats. This guy is more of a freak then I first thought, un.' _Deidara seethed in his mind. "Ass." _'Kami, I freakin hate him.'_ (3)

After the gender mystery was over, Itachi finished scrubbing in the shampoo and rinsed the soap out of his fur. He cupped water in his right hand and pored it over Deidara's fur and smoothed it out making sure to not get water in the cats ear, and doing his best to shine the piercing in his left ear. (4) He did this about a dozen times until all the bubbles were gone.

The cat may look pissed, but at least the next few words to be uttered from Itachi's mouth will brighten his day a shade.

"Bath's over. Your clean."

"Hallelujah! If I was religious, I'd be praying, un."

Picking the mangy thing out of the water, Itachi placed Deidara on a towel and wrapped it around his tiny body and picked him back up. Holding Sir. Kittens close to his chest, he left the bathroom and headed down the hall past Kisame's room to his own.

He placed Deidara on the bed in his bundle of towels while he went to the closet. The towel bundle was moving a bit, no doubt Dei trying to escape the damp cotton prison. Finally getting free, Deidara took a look around.

'_I've never seen Itachi's room before, un. Kinda expected it to be a bit… creepier.'_

Itachi's room looked just like most of the Akatsuki's rooms in setup. A bed, the head bored placed against the left wall centered in the middle of the wall, with black sheets and two pillows. A mix between cotton and silk. _'So soft.' _A wooden dresser with three long drawers right next to the door on the right waist high, again black. A window on the opposite wall of the dresser and door. On the right wall, opposite the bed, is the closet were Itachi is currently looking through, shifting a few things around.

Then the second worst thing to ever happen to Deidara that day happened (he was turned into a cat yesterday). Itachi stated to strip.

His clothes were soaked from the thrashing Deidara did in the bath, and he needed to change them.

'_Oh sweet Jesus.' _How could this get any worse. His worst enemy, in Deidara's eyes enemy to art, was stripping his shirt off as Deidara helplessly sat on his, again, worst enemies bed in a bundle of towels.

"Oh SHIT."

Deidara tried to jump down, off of the bed, but his lower half of his body was till covered in the towel weighing him down and tangled a bit around his legs. So he was stuck. Stuck watching Uchiha Itachi unbutton his pants and slide them off as well.

'_Help me, un.' _Deidara thought. "Now what?"

**------------------**

(1) They CAN, but don't really like too. XD Unless their Australian. Yeah, I didn't get it either. But apparently that breed LOVES water. Saw it on animal planet.

(2) Did that sound wrong to ANYONE else. This was a test. Anyone who laughed or smiled after reading that, you are now OFFICIALLY an open pervert. Welcome to the dark side of the rainbow.

(3) Remember in the manga (and anime), Deidara hates Itachi for not only beating him, but also insulting his art. So they'll be on bad terms in the beginning.

(4) Remember that? In case the piercing doesn't make sense, it's his 'scope' substitute.


	7. Disturbed

Anyone wonder why no one was curious about the fact that this new found cat has a piercing

I know, FINALLY, an update.

I'll try to get this up more.

R&R, thanx

Anyone wonder why no one was curious about the fact that this new found cat has a piercing.

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor. Cursing. Spoilers.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**Chapter 6.**

**Disturbed**

Itachi was finished redressing into nightwear, while a blond cat was disturbed out of his mind.

Due to constant thrashing in the bath tub, 'The Damned Cat' got Itachi soaked through his clothes and straight to his boxers. Of course, those had to be changed to. After all, who sleeps in wet underwear?

And that leads us to one little blonde cat having the naked mental image of his rival imprinted into his artistic mind. Would he have looked away? Of course. No doubt at all. Could he, however? No. And we can all blame that on the towel of doom attempting to smother the tiny creature if he so happened to move. (1)

So now, ten minutes later leads us to a fully dressed Uchiha in very loose black pants and a medium fitting equally black t-shirt rescuing a cat from a 100 count cotton death, just to watch his apparently new cat twitching on the bed for some unknown reason to himself. After allowing the cat to continue twitching for a few more minutes, Itachi reasoned that it wasn't about to die or vomit, and dubbed it safe to pick up. (2)

Walking over to 'fluffy' he picked up the creature, sat on the side of his bed close to the pillows and headboard, and placed the cat on his lap. The cat still seemed a bit out of it. _'What's wrong with it?' _Itachi wondered. _'Maybe all cats are this weird.'_

"Now for a name."

'_Finally, hm.' _Deidara thought, finally waking from his stupor and trying to erase several disturbing thoughts form his mind. _'Bad thoughts, BAD thoughts, hm.'_

"Where do I start? I've never named something before." Itachi asked aloud.

'_Why don't you start with something a little less gay then fluffy, hm.'_

"You're a male cat, blonde, and a bit of a dumbass."

"Fuck you, hm./ Heshhh!"

After some careful consideration, Itachi came to a conclusion. "Fuck, I'm not good at this."

Turns out, nothing hetero sounding came to mind for a name. That worried Itachi a bit, and he'll look into the reason for that later. The best name he came up with was Ginger, and it reminded him too much of Sasori.

Meanwhile, Deidara just sat were he was staring at the dust he could see floating through the rays of the florescent lighting. _'Pretty, hm.'_ Once again our young ninja suffers from his hair color.

"I can just call you Neko. (3)"

'_Well aren't we the creative one today, hm. No artistic flare what so ever.'_

"Neko it is then." Itachi looked over at the clock on his nightstand and saw that it was nearly midnight. "Time to go to sleep you lump of fur." Ah, the affection.

Itachi moved the Deidara to the ground, stood and walked over to lights to turn them off before falling asleep.

Itachi got under the covers and rested on his left side closing his eyes. Deidara, however, had different thoughts.

'_I'm not sleeping on the floor, ya sadist, hm.' _With that, Deidara readied himself and jumped back on the bed, but was to new to being a cat and miss read his distance smashing his head into the bed side. Deidara swayed a bit on his feet. Deidara readied himself for a second jump, making sure not to jump head first into anything anymore. It may be fun to watch Tobi do it again and again, but not so fun to do.

The second jump was almost a complete success. Instead of landing straight on the bed, Deidara landed on the side and held on with his front paws. Using his kitty strength, Deidara hoisted himself the rest of the way up wriggling his back a bit to get the last of the way up.

Itachi felt the sheets of his bed moving and opened his eyes to see the cat back on his bed.

"Off the bed Neko." Itachi said, pushing a bit on the cat's side with his right hand to get him to jump back down.

'_Bite me, weasel.'_

Little Neko, however, maneuvered himself around and laid himself on the right side pillows, while Itachi took up the left side. (4) That cat's not moving.

"Fine, stay there. I just lost a fight with a cat." _'I'll just blame it on being tired.'_

With that, a weasel and a cat fell asleep, in blissful dreams, unaware of what tomorrow holds for the both of them, but fully prepared to take it on. One ready to finally own the pet he's wanted since childhood; the other, ready to breed a little mayhem a chaos in the Akatsuki.

A weasel fell asleep with a monotone look and a twinge of a smile.

A cat fell asleep wearing a smile anyone could swear seems oh so familiar in their 'family'.

8:34 A.M

"For the love of Jashin, shut the damned thing up!" Hidan yelled, covering both ears with his hands.

Neko decided to wake the Akatsuki at six that morning with howls that shouldn't be coming form such a tiny cat. He hasn't stopped since.

'_Teach those bastards to give my room away, hm.'_

Although, technically he stayed in Itachi's room that night, the artist still wanted to cause mayhem and is just pulling excuses out of the air.

Why exactly does he want to cause the members of his S-ranked family so much annoyance they'll commit suicide?

Fucks and giggles, of course.

'_I love being me, hm.'_

Cue a cheasier cat smile on our feline friend.

To say Itachi was pissed was an understatement. That cat started it's feral howling right next to his ear that morning.

"What kind of miserable creature gets up this early." Itachi grumbled sitting on the couch. His hair disavled and out of it's usual tie. He couldn't stay in his room long enough to look for it or else he would have murdered the cat. "Dammit Neko, SHUT UP!"

"Neko?" Sasori asked.

"That's a stupid name." Hidan cut in. "Maybe it's pissed about it."

"You seem to think that a cat would know the difference." Kakuzu added in.

"Then what would you name it?" Kisame asked joining the group.

"Lunch."

"Shut up Zetsu." Everyone said at unison.

Finally the howls stopped.

Hidan uncovered his ears. "Did it die?"

Everyone sent glares in Hidan's direction.

Itachi stood up. "I'm going to go feed him."

"What?" Kisame asked.

Itachi stopped in his tracks to the kitchen.

What would a cat eat?

"Let's just through the fish in there, see what happens." Hidan said motioning to Kisame.

Kisame's reply to that was to smack Hidan into the opposite wall of the living room. "We could always just get cat food." Kisame offered.

This just earned an a look from Kakuzu that promised pain, torture, and renting someone out for a couple bucks an hour to pay back the purchase of said cat food.

Meanwhile, as everyone was conversing about what to feed their 'new family pet', our little Neko was plotting a new course of annoyance,

'_Commence plan B, hm. Mrahaha'_

If anyone was to walk into Itachi's bedroom that moment, they would have seen a blonde cat rubbing his paws together menacingly, purring in delight.

Crappola chapter, so sorry if this was boring.

(1) Yeah right. He wanted to look. XD

(2) O/K, so sorry this beginning completely bit and probably made little sense to you. Now to get to the better parts of the story. -hopefully-

(3) Neko-cat Real creative of me, right.

(4) My cat does this, but I only have one side of pillows, so she completely takes mine at night. Little bastard, but I love her.


	8. Plan B

I'M NOT DEAD! HALLELUJAH!

…

Whatever, read and review.

Reviews are the magic words that make me an unlazy bastard. XD

Neko is Deidara.

**--**

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor. Cursing. Spoilers- not really.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**--**

**Chapter 7.**

**--**

**Plan B**

**--**

'_Now for the demise and torture of an elite S-ranked criminal organizing just for the hell of it Plan B, hm. Mrahahahaha.' _

**--**

8:43 A.M

**--**

Itachi was currently found rummaging through the upper cabinets in the Akatsuki kitchen looking for a fitting cat food substitute. Kakuzu wouldn't budge when confronted about getting the cat food, so now the search began.

While Itachi was in the cabinets, Kisame was head deep looking through leftovers in the refrigerator that weren't covered in Hidan's sacrifice's blood.

"Hidan really has to stop touching everything after his 'religious sacrifices' every week."

"There's still blood staining the carpet in the living room," Itachi added.

"Maybe we can lock him in his room. Any luck, he'll just bleed to death or laps into a coma." Kisame added with a grin, imaging the quiet that would bring. Minus the explosions or blonde/ red head arguments every now and then. Lifting out a container Kisame held it out to Itachi. "What's in this?" Before he could open it, Itachi's hand shot out to stop him around his wrist.

"…"

"Zetsu's lunch."

The only two words the shark needed to toss the Tupperware back into the icebox and slam the door closed.

Over their partnership, Itachi and Kisame became something akin to friends, maybe even best friends, minus some of the 'normal' friend tings. But those have been replaced with 'Itachi' like things. Instead of scoping for woman while out getting drunk, Kisame gets drunk while Itachi carries his wasted ass home while getting drunkenly groped in the 'under back' area. (1)

Alas, Itachi finds a goldmine in the back of the cabinet in the form of a can.

"What about tuna fish?"

"That might work."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What?"

"Is this your cousin, Kisame?"

"… Fuck you all." Then Kisame proceeded to stomp out of the kitchen and down the hall mumbling a very colorful vocabulary along the way.

"Just trying to be considerate." Itachi mumbled, then took out a small dish and put out the Tuna.

And in comes Hidan.

"What the fuck is that smell?"

Too busy looking for food that won't actually eat his kitten itself, Itachi didn't pay too much attention to his surroundings. Now that it was brought up, however, Itachi could smell the no mistakable musk of smoke, or more correct, burning fabrics and wood.

Hidan and Itachi turned to each other and gave each other an 'oh shit' look before running out of the kitchen. They both came face to face with burning drapes.

"AH, SHIT! Put it out, put it out, put it out!" Hidan yelled waving his hands in the air.

"Yeah, that's gonna work dumbass!"

While they both panicked, not thinking about the fire extinguisher (2) in both the kitchen and hall closet Kisame came back out and through Tobi onto the fire, which put it out, but now Tobi was running in a circle inflame.

While this was going on, no one noticed a blond kitten sitting by watching the scene play out.

'_They were ugly drapes anyway, hm.' _(3)

Neko gave an evil and satisfying smirk during this expense of loosing the back door, floor length drapes.

They finally Itachi finally remembered the extinguisher, ran to get it, and finally put out a flaming Tobi. (4)

"What the hell set the fucking drapes on fire?!" Hidan yelled.

The only thing Kisame had to say, "Kakuzu's gonna be pissed," then walked back to his room to sulk a little more. Just because he was moody didn't mean he wanted to be homeless via fire.

_Mission sparks was a success, now for mission 'scratch and sniff', hm. _

While everyone talked amongst the ashen drapery and twitching Tobi, no one caught the tail end of a certain cat turning behind the wall of the hall heading to his next destination.

Kakuzu's room.

**--**

(1) Yeah, like he doesn't like it. XD

The ass, for all the slow, naïve, innocent (why are you reading this then), or not hard core yaoi fans.

(2) I did that when I set my kitchen ceiling on fire. Well, not really 'on fire'. Just burned it little. XD

That happened BECAUSE forgot about the extinguisher, and put water on it. BAD IDEA.

(3) What? They WERE ugly. Flowery.

(4) Hehe, anyone else know why that's funny, or am I alone here?

If you do, tell me in your review, and I'll dedicate ch.8 to you. Be alive dammit!


	9. Scratch and Sniff

This chapter is dedicated to Deidara is my conscience, and my so very lovely danna Bibochan

This chapter is dedicated to **Deidara is my conscience, **and my so very lovely danna **Bibochan**.

Read and review.

Reviews are the sugar that keep me up to write.

Neko is Deidara.

**--**

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor. Cursing. Spoilers- not really.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**--**

**Chapter 8.**

**--**

**Scratch and sniff**

**--**

Deidara looked around at the room he was currently sitting in.

"_Plan B, phase two, hm."_

**--**

9:04 A.M

**--**

Kakuzu walked through the front door and past the living room, bypassing an unconscious Tobi and two of his housemates staring at the wonderfully cheap but singed curtains.

…

Singed?

Stopping in his trot to his room, Kakuzu turned to his partner.

"Hidan," Kakuzu started, "if I may quote one of your more famous lines, what the fuck just happened!?"

Hidan turned to his partner as Itachi took his chance to run back into the kitchen.

"What the fuck would fucking make you think I know what shit happened here!" Hidan yelled back.

"… Your paying anyway."

"WHAT!?"

After years of having an immortal (whom which he wished so desperately he could just hack of his head and be done with it all) yelling and/or cursing at Kakuzu, he managed the fine art of 'la la la, I can't here you, nah nah nah' and proceeded to chant this magical mantra mentally while walking towards his room to count his new bounty he acquired while out and lobbing off a few wanted men's heads.

All the while, Hidan kept bitching in the background.

Finally reaching his room, Kakuzu opened the door and quickly disappeared inside to lean against the door and close his eyes willing the upcoming headache away. After two Hidan muffled minutes, crisis averted and 'Kuzu resumed to count his beloved money after opening his eyes.

"What…"

Somehow, suddenly, the base went silent, but no one knew why.

"…the…"

A wind blew Itachi's hair from the kitchen, even though there was no breeze.

"FUCK!!"

"Kisame! Get off of Itachi!" Hidan yelled out.

"WHAT!" Kisame emerged from his room to yell back at Hidan, and maybe beat him into a wall or two.

Suddenly a shadow loomed over Hidan and red eyes looked down on him. "Care to turn around and say that again, Hidan?" Itachi's bone shaking voice spoke behind him.

Hidan turned and laughed nervously, mumbled some nonsense, and ran for his ever loving life.

At that moment Kakuzu came darting out of his room, a deadly aura radiating from him.

"What the hell is the meaning of this." Kakuzu stated, pissed beyond al recognition.

"Of what, shitface?" Hidan asked, popping back into the room from seemingly no where.

"My fucking room!" Kakuzu yelled.

Itachi and Hidan decided to see exactly what was wrong, since Kakuzu started panting too hard to explain from his rage.

Reaching the doorway they both looked in to what would be a metro sexual man's nightmare. Every piece of furniture in the room was torn apart, large gashes through the curtains and bedspread, the desk and dresser chipped and beaten away into splinter wood. The pillow's cotton stuffing was over the floor and some green paper fluttering everywhere.

"Wow." Hidan said.

"Yeah." Itachi agreed.

Kakuzu came back to the room when a percent of his anger vanished.

"Now you have to buy new fucking shit, huh, Kuzu?" Hidan said, seeing him walk back in and standing in the middle of the room.

"Not really. I can live with it." Kakuzu said then turned towards his closet, a pile of papers lay next to it.

'_What?' _He walked closer and kneeled down to see what it was.

Then his world fell apart.

"Is that, money?" Hidan asked. There lay Kakuzu's money, a pile of useless confetti. Needless to say, he promptly fainted and one of Kakuzu's many hearts died.

"Hm?" Itachi sounded.

"He'll be fine." Hidan said taking a kick to his partner's side just for the hell of it.

Itachi looked over the floor some more and notice something black on the ground. He started moving some debris away from the spot to reveal writing.

'_Take THAT bitch's! Hm.' _

Itachi stood staring at the words as Hidan walked up to see what he was looking at. They both thought only one thing noticing the speech impediment that can never be helped, even in writing. In unison, they spoke what was on their mind.

"Deidara."

**--**

"Fuck, OW! Why the pain not the love?"

**--**Just if Hidan spoke out and ruined the moment and Itachi beat him for it**--**

Review.

DO IT.

Thnx.


	10. Where in the base is Deidara?

This chapter is dedicated to Bibochan, because I love her

This chapter is dedicated to **Bibochan, **because I love her. Read her ItaDei stories.

I also noticed, thanks to **XxHunter The One and OnlyxX**'s review, that It doesn't make sense that a cat could write on the ground… I'll just say that it's BIG and crudely written words, and he used both paws. In case some wondered.

Neko is Deidara.

**--**

Disclaimer: Not mine. No shit, or it won't be fan fiction.

Warning: OOC everything. Some yaoi, not heavy. Sorry fan girls. Only Fluffy kitties.

And a sad attempt at humor. Cursing. Spoilers- not really.

"talking"

'_thinking'_

**--**

**Chapter 9.**

**--**

**Where in the base is Deidara?**

**--**

"So your saying Deidara was here today?" Kakuzu asked the group of Akatsuki that huddled in the living room after the realization that Deidara was around, but still somewhat missing.

"Ghost!!" Tobi yelled out, (finally waking form his short coma) promptly being smacked over the head by Hidan.

"Dumbass, he's not dead." Hidan followed his smack with his version of an explanation.

"Why didn't he just come through the front door and go to sleep like always?" Sasori asked.

"By the looks of it," Zetsu started, after seeing the state of Kakuzu's room, **"that he's pissed as hell."**

"Why? We sent Tobi to find him." Kisame mentioned.

"Maybe that's why." Itachi said form the chair. Everyone looked his way then back to the center.

"Maybe he's just letting off some shit on his mind and will come back later." Zetsu said. "**He better come back later.**"

"He's paying for my room."

"Itachi?" Kisame asked.

"Hm?"

"…Why is the cat eyeing me?"

Everyone looked towards Neko and saw him in the center of the living room, in the middle of the gathered group, staring at Kisame while hunched down, looking ready to pounce.

"Maybe it wants 'ta eat cha shark bait." Hidan said with a smirk.

Kisame turned to yell until he cried out. "What the fuck!"

Neko was currently clamped onto Kisame's right leg with his sharp kitty teeth.

"Get him off of me, get him off!"

"Didn't you feed him, Itachi?" Zetsu asked.

"… I was distracted." Which was true, between the curtains and Tobi combusting into flames, and Kakuzu screaming bloody murder (mainly Deidara's ) feeding the cat slipped the weasel's mind.

While everyone was remembering the incidents of earlier, Kisame was jumping in place shaking his leg trying to get the piranha of a cat off.

"Why isn't anyone helping me!"

"Oh, right." Itachi got up and tried to pry Neko off. "I'll feed you right now, now LET GO!"

After a bit of struggling, Neko finally let go of Kisame's leg.

'_Huh, so he doesn't taste like fish after all, hm.'_

Itachi carried Neko away to the kitchen, snatched up the Tuna he found earlier, opened it and walked back to his room after grabbing a plate and chopsticks.

"Is it just me, or did that cat just smirk at me?" Kisame asked out loud to the group.

**--**

In his room, Itachi dropped Neko on his bed and went to scooping out the Tuna from the can to the plate and setting it down on the floor as Neko watched him.

'_I'm not eating on the floor you as swipe, hm.'_

"What now?" _'Couldn't have done anything wrong.' _"Eat." Itachi commanded the cat.

'_Pfft, fine. But not 'cuz you said so. I'm hungry, hm.'_

Neko jumped down from the bed and stared at the food. _'You gotta be kidding, hm.'_ Resigning to his fate, Deidara leaned down and licked at the food, trying to get some in his mouth. _'This shit's harder then it looks, hm.'_

In the mean time Itachi decided to resign to his room for the rest of the day, maybe get some treading done that he never had time for, and headed to the closet to change his ninja formal uniform and coat.

Neko, however, wasn't aware that Itachi had moved due to his challenge to stuff his furry face with ever last drop of food.

After changing to a black T-shirt and gray sweat pants(1), Itachi sat on the side of the bed facing the door and cat and watched him eat. Never having a pet, he never had the chance to study animal behavior. Everything in the Uchiha's mind breaks down to a study or strategy even without his willing, but most of his studies are close to just a calming mental fun, like watching T.V for most.

Tilting his head the right a bit in a curious manor, he continued his studying.

'_Phew, done. That was a task, hm. After a morning of mishap and disaster I'm actually kind of tired, hm.'_

Itachi noticed the tired look on his pets face and picked him up around the waste to drop him back on the bed to sleep. Laying down, Itachi picked up the book sitting on his right side night table and laid down to read. Neko following close behind. Being a cat, Deidara would get tired out quickly with little stamina and hardly any chakra in his new furry body.

After some time, Neko got up, seemingly still asleep but finding a new position to sleep, and ended up climbing on top of Itachi's stomach just to fall right back asleep seconds later.

Itachi's lips gave a slight smile, slight but still a smile. Something so rare to grace his features since his time spent with the little brother that he still loves but had to leave behind(2).

Watching the cat's chest moving slowing, Itachi started to close his eyes, and soon fell asleep as well while his book fell to the floor.

**--**

(1). I freakin HATE this outfit, but it seamed to fit.

(2). If anyone's up to date on the manga, they'll know what this means. If not, I wont spoil it too much for you. Just that he still does care for Sasuke.


End file.
